What to expect about being widowed?
Grief can be messy and confusing. You may question or doubt yourself, you might feel very forgetful and absent-minded. Be gentle with yourself, it can take a long time for your brain to process your loss, being in shock, and get used to this new reality step of the process. Below we've provided you with some of the knowledge and skills you need to succeed in your widow journey.
What is the first thing a new widow should do?
Contact immediate family and those close to you about the loss. Call family, friends, and spiritual counselors for emotional support. Update any key family members. Try to bring them together in person, by phone, or group email so that you may comfort one another and share information updates as needed.
Financial Concerns
The vast majority of widows have not been involved with their household's financial matters. Or, you may not have been responsible for or involved in making all the decisions by yourself.
There are many essential matters to be attended to when your husband first passes, such as: organ donation, the funeral or final wishes, a will, finances, getting copies of death certificates, or what’s involved if he didn’t make these arrangements in advance.
Critically, many widows find themselves on unstable financial ground and need to review their new financial situation. We have included links to resources below for free financial assistance for widows.
The three stages of widowhood are:
1. Grief:
The first stage, when you may still be in shock by the death of your spouse. This can often last from three months to a year. Some widows never leave this stage and can fall into a period of clinical depression rather than sadness and grief.
In this case, a medical doctor should be consulted. Otherwise, you may find it helpful to use the services of a spiritual advisor, counselor, therapist, psychologist, or grief coach.
2. Growth:
The stage when you are more clear-headed and ready to begin moving forward with your life. This is the perfect time to engage a life coach to explore your goals and the desired direction of your life.
3. Grace:
The stage referred to as the “transformation” stage. You begin to view your life as an opportunity for growth for greater fulfillment, satisfaction and meaning. A life coach can be very helpful in guidance, knowledge and accountability during this stage.
The tasks of widowhood include:
- Accepting the reality of the loss.
- Working through the pain of grief and feeling your feelings.
- Adjusting to an environment in which the deceased is missing.
- Emotionally relocating the deceased and moving on with life
>>>Sorry to say, the grief process can take a year or longer. It's normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years.
Here are 5 ways to “feel your feelings” to heal more quickly:
1. Focus on talking about the feeling.
What does it feel like in your body?
What would you call it?
What is the intensity, etc.?
2. Try to talk about your emotions with others more.
When you notice yourself intellectualizing to avoid feelings, ask yourself: what am I trying to avoid here?
3. When experts talk about feeling your feelings,
They talk about noticing and acknowledging intense emotional reactions when they bubble up.
4. Allow yourself to be triggered.
By an emotional response which could be anything from hearing “your” song, thinking of the relationship you used to have, or remembering back to a traumatic event. When it happens next, don’t try to numb yourself or avoid them.
5. Notice where you feel emotions in your body.
Understand why they were triggered in the first place.
This is key—let them exist without judging them or yourself.
This can help you get through the initial grief.
How do widows cope with loneliness?
There are 3 ways to feel less lonely:
1) Try not to isolate yourself.
It is essential not to feel guilty about continuing with your social life after the loss of your loved one. They would not want you to sit at home alone, feeling down. They would want you to be surrounded by people who were helping you get through your grief and moving forward.
2) Talk to family and friends.
Often, the loss of a spouse can cause people to isolate themselves and go through the grieving process alone. Your family and friends will be worried about you, try to check in and let them know how you're feeling. Talking about it may help you work through your feelings. Also, taking up some of your time with social hobbies or activities is much better than sitting at home alone and will take your mind off being lonely.
3) There are many grief support groups in-person, online, and on Facebook.
Try finding some locally and online. Local groups often meet at retirement communities or large active living retirement centers. These attract widows of any age or circumstances. Feel free to attend, even if you’re not ready to share. Just being surrounded by others in the same situation will make you feel better and less isolated. No matter how you respond to these groups, the atmosphere is usually gentle and supportive. See the resources below.
Do widows need a doctor’s help?
Where’s the line between sadness, bereavement, and clinical depression?
Every widow heals from the loss of her late husband at a different rate. But, grief is not a life sentence. Depression, grief and bereavement are all influenced by past abuse, maltreatment or abandonment as a child.
It’s NOT your fault! If you are very depressed and are having suicidal thoughts, schedule an appointment with your family doctor. (or, ask someone to for you.) Or, immediately call a free suicide and crisis helpline at: 988 (in the US) (or, look up the number for your country) or, call 911 for the emergency.
If you’re not feeling suicidal, your doctor can help you evaluate whether your grief is normal sadness or has grown to become unhealthy.
You don’t have to suffer without help!
Free Resources for Widows:
Financial assistance:
Debt.org
Free financial consulting and debt consolidation: https://www.debt.org/debt-help/
Budgettracker.com
Links to your bank accounts so you can always know how your budgeting is going for free.
Wings for Widows
@wingsforwidows https://WingsforWidows.org/ A non-profit with numerous links for a financial wellness check, financial coaching, networking groups, helpful articles, and helpful organizations.
Free Grief Support Groups:
Soaring Spirits International https://soaringspirits.org @soaringspiritsInt Widows Voice Blog, Widowed Village https://widowedvillage.org support group.
Grief Share. Church-based non-profit, nationwide. Local, in-person support groups may be available at a church near you. Get support with a book, videos, and, conversation. (free or low cost) https://www.griefshare.org/
Way Up. Widow support forum, an active self-help group for widows in their 50's and 60's, run for and by people who have lost a partner, also.
For young Australian widows: www.firstlight.org.au @firstlightwidowedassociation
The National Widows Association https://thenwaonline.com/
Facebook: There are numerous kinds of support groups. You can search for grief support, widow support, or even, by the type of illness or death your husband suffered from. They're free, and can be very healing! To go there: From your Facebook home page, click on the top header for the symbol for groups. (It's a circle that looks like 3 people's heads and i body.) Then enter the type of group you're looking for, currently at the top left search bar.
Low cost grieving group
@untanglegrief and the free App:
Untangle Grief App: Bereavement care and community. Meet 20,000 like-minded members. $4.99/mo or $39.99/year
Summary
We wish you the best on your difficult journey. It’s been shown that being widowed can be the top cause of life's most stressful event.
YOU, are not alone!
If there's ever anything we can do, please send us an email at: info@coachforwidows.com
You’ll continue to receive our free occasional email messages called “Widow Wisdom Tips” to inspire and encourage you in your grieving, growth and future transformation. You can unsubscribe at any time, if you wish.
Finally, if you would like to explore how coaching for widows can assist you with coaching, please contact us by email at: Info@coachforwidows.com or go to our website https://coachforwidows.com to read more about our coaching program and what we can offer you.
Thank you!
Linda Davis, Coach, widow email: Info@coachforwidows.com website: https://coachforwidows.com Instagram @coachforwidows
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