Healing and Honoring Guide - Get better dealing with grief and healing

It’s a chance to really think about how your late husband would want you to live.

• Someone may ask you, “How are you not sad all the time? Aren’t you grieving?” 

• You can say, “I’m not focused on grieving. I’m focused on healing and honoring my late husband. I’m living my life in a way, that honors him in death.”

Being widowed can be an opportunity none of us want, but, still, an opportunity to choose how to live your life. You can move forward, in a way that honors him and his wishes for your happiness. You can do this consciously and with intention. 

Grieving your lost love can go on for years. But, you owe it to your loved one to get up and begin living in a way that you know he’d want for you. A way that honors him and his wishes for your happiness.

“Soon, healing will begin. You’ll be able to smile again. You’ll be able to laugh again There’s no need to hold yourself back from healing.”

You CAN do this!

Almost without exception, widows say they know their late husband would want them to move on and be happy! But, that can be easier said than done!

Remember:

You don’t ever have to stop loving your late husband. More than anything, feeling their love in your life is about honoring them. Become aware that your happiness is not something to wait around for. You don’t have to hope a better life might find you, and you might get better. Only you know when you’re ready to start taking small and positive steps toward healing. Deeply think about what you can do today to start healing and moving forward.

It’s said that there are many ways to live a happier life. Ask yourself, how can I best honor his wishes?

10+ Ideas to Create a Tribute:

1. If he loved to garden, It could be contributing to a community garden. 
2. Or, building a garden at a homeless shelter. 
3. Dedicate a bench with a plaque in a park where you always walked together. 
4. Add a plaque in your own garden with his favorite poem or saying on it. 
5. Make a donation to a charity that benefits the illness he suffered from. 
6. Give to a foundation a grant or scholarship to contribute in his name. 
7. Create a dance, a poem, or even a cocktail, that you enjoy in his honor. 
8. Rename something after him: your house, a street, a golf tournament. 
9. Create a new fundraiser idea for a charity he supported and loved. 
10. Take a vacation, or other event, in his honor that he would have loved.

There are many other ways to honor and love your husband.

However. when you're feeling overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Remember: These are only negative thoughts. NOT the truth. Rethink these thoughts and ask yourself, “Is this really true”? Give yourself permission to take small steps to move ahead anyway. Bravely push them aside and let the negative thoughts pass. 

Replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts (or affirmations) like these: (Choose 4-5 favorites that you respond to.)

1. "I am grateful for the love that continues to live in my heart."
2. "I am surrounded by a community that supports my healing."
3. "I am capable of finding peace and serenity within myself."
4. "I am open to the beauty and wonder of life's journey."
5. "I am a survivor, and I am proud of my inner strength."
6. "I am grateful for the love and laughter I shared with my spouse."
7. "I am open to the idea that life can be joyful once again."
8. "I am worthy of all the love and joy that life offers."
9. "I am resilient, and I grow stronger with each passing day."
10. "I am open to the healing power of self-acceptance."
11. "I am grateful for the love that continues to live in my heart."
12. "I am surrounded by the warmth of compassion and understanding."
13. "I am capable of finding purpose and meaning in my life."
14. "I am open to new opportunities and adventures."
15. "I am a survivor, and I embrace my resilience."
16. "I am grateful for the love and memories that fill my heart."
17. "I am open to the possibility of finding happiness in unexpected places."
18. "I am worthy of all the love and blessings that come my way."
19. "I am resilient, and I face life's challenges with grace and strength."
20. "I am open to the healing power of self-care."
21. "I am grateful for the love that continues to shine in my life."
22. "I am surrounded by a loving and supportive network of friends."
23. "I am capable of finding joy in the small moments of life."
24. "I am open to the infinite possibilities that the future holds."
25. “I am able to take good care of myself physically and mentally.”

Repeat daily, or as needed, until the troublesome negative thoughts are replaced. 

This may take some practice and endurance to achieve.

Our brain, with its biological imperative to survive, has been using warnings and negative thoughts to do so for our survival. This is how our brain works automatically. Just our brain’s way of protecting us. It notices any possible dangers in our lives, even guilt. 

It doesn’t automatically point out good things, opportunities or things to be grateful for, without some positive thinking and mindset behaviors to prod it. But, your brain changes, makes new connections, and adapts very well with practice. 

So dedication to this really pays off. It actually releases the feel-good chemicals you produce in your brain.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty”

According to the well-known Psychiatrist and clinical neuroscientist, Dr, Daniel G Amen, in his book, “Conquer Your Negative Thoughts”, available on Amazon at:

Dr. Amen's Book on Amazon

• "Optimists and pessimists approach problems differently…

While optimists know that things don’t always go their way, so when life knocks them down, they get back up and try again.” He says, we can all benefit from positive thinking as a way to change the chemicals in our brain. 

When we have a… “happy or loving thought, your brain releases the chemicals of happiness, such as dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, that calm the body. Whenever your brain has a negative thought, the brain releases or decreases chemicals, leaving you angry, sad, or stressed out.” 

That’s worth thinking positive thoughts! As widows, we can get down by our grieving, which is only natural in the beginning. But, at a certain point, it’s time to move on.

1. Building and nurturing positive relationships with family, friends, and loved ones is crucial for happiness.

2. Regularly expressing gratitude for the things you have in your life can enhance happiness.

3. Engaging in activities and hobbies that you are passionate about can bring a sense of fulfillment.

4. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being is essential for happiness and satisfaction.

5. Setting realistic and achievable goals can provide a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

When widows feel guilt for not grieving “properly,” just remember… These are only negative thoughts. NOT the truth!

• Rethink these thoughts and ask yourself, “Is this really true”? 
• Give yourself permission to take small steps to move ahead anyway. 
• Bravely push them aside and let the negative thoughts pass.

The more of these you can build, the happier you can become!

Do you want to try a technique you can do today to feel better?

It's a therapeudic touch technique you can use on yourself.

The Delta Waves This Creates, Calms Your Brain

It was developed in the 2000s, by Dr. Donald Ruden. He’s an Internist with a Phd in organic chemistry who invented havening. It’s a healing technique, using therapeutic touch to change pathways in the brain, allowing us to relax and detach from an upsetting life experience. It involves one or more of the following touch techniques, plus the 2nd part below.

Here’s how to do it:

• Rubbing the palms of your hands together slowly, as if you’re washing your hands.
• Giving yourself a hug. This technique involves placing the palms of your hands on your opposite shoulders and rubbing them down your arms to your elbows. (This has worked well for me for years)
• “Washing your Face” by placing your fingertips up high on your forehead, just below your hairline, and then letting your hands fall down your face to your chin.

The second part: 

From a neuroscience perspective, havening is a form of stimulating both sides of the brain (essential for healing) while you mentally bring up a stressful thought or past trauma. 

Trauma and emotions get hardwired into your brain and stick like superglue. Havening helps loosen the “glue” in your brain! You can do this 5-6 times or more for 30 seconds each. A famous video of Justin Bieber went viral of him doing a form of this.

Here's a link to the Havening.org website with lots of videos, scientific explanations, and more:

Havening.org

Disclaimer: Please be advised that the information shown here is educational in nature and is being provided only as general information and they are not to be considered medical or psychological advice or treatment. Further, they do not constitute a warranty, guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual using The Havening Techniques or any others, for any particular problem or issue.

If you’ve enjoyed this free guide for "Healing and Honoring", please follow us on Instagram: @coachforwidows for everyday inspiration, healing ideas, and encouragement for widows. 

Want to level up even more? Coaching for Widows can support you and keep you accountable to change your thinking, habits and create massive improvements in your personal life. 

If there's anything we can ever do, take 30 seconds to reach out to Linda and her team if you would like. We offer coaching for widows at any stage of the grief journey. Whether you're a new widow, or it's been years since your husband passed...

Our Life Coaching Program can make massive improvements in your life: 

Our  Signature "Breakthrough Method" is designed to...

1. Gently accelerate your healing from grief. 

2. Create a clear vision for moving forward. 

3. Use proven strategies for you to thrive again. 

4. Discover, practice and master crucial mindset tools to bring about your happier, more confident new life. 

5. Offer insightful guidance, accountabilty and powerful feedback.

We love our clients, so feel free send us an email. Or, go to our website to learn more about how coaching works.

Thank you!

Fondly,

Linda Davis, Coach, widow 

email: Info@coachforwidows.com 

website: Coach for Widows

Instagram: @coachforwidows